by pushxitxallxaway

These past few weeks have been the hardest couple of weeks that I’ve had in quite a while. I feel defeated! I know I’m over tired, no scratch that.. exhausted and it’s really taking it’s toll on me. I started working nights thinking it’d be temporary.. a time of transition.. and here I am nearly a year later. I haven’t used a single vacation day either. It would be fine if Noah was in school or daycare so I could sleep, but 1. I can’t afford it (my parents offered to pay but I don’t feel right about it) and 2. I don’t trust my child to strangers. It’s hard for me to just hand him over.. I’m scared. Then we’d have to budget in more gas money to bring and pick him up from daycare.. Ugh. I’m frustrated and confused when it comes to this. It’s really taking it’s toll on me and on Noah as well. He needs my attention, yet some days he just can’t get it.

Money. Do I even need to elaborate?

Me time. God I miss you. I need some time alone. I need some time with Tommy. I need quiet!!!! Even if I put Noah in his room for a movie.. he comes out 20 times to tell me about it.. so that doesn’t count. I just need a vacation from life.

It’s been a long time since I’ve been this down in the dumps. I don’t like it at all. It feels unnatural and it feels like a pity party. I don’t like to complain but Jesus.. when does it get easier? Isn’t there ever a time when all the chips fall into place? Doesn’t seem like it.

Ok. Moving on.

I added some recipes to my blog! I have tried more but haven’t put them up yet. I’m sorry to say I have one that was downright disgusting. Sounded and looked so good too. I could tell by the smell when it was cooking that it was going to be disasterous.

I’m doing awesome with my quest to learn Italian! I know alot of vocabulary and can form sentences. I just have to practice so I don’t forget what I’m learning. I have a couple apps on my phone that help as well.. but that’ll come to an end soon as we’re giving up our iPhones for the time being.

We’re switching to virgin mobile. They have a 25$ a month plan that’ll work out great for us. Well save over 100$ a month. It’ll be sad to lose the iPhones but it really is the smart thing to do. Were trying to cut corners and help ourselves out as much as posssible. Yeap.

Guess I should get back to work. I’m mad at myself for how long it’s been since I last blogged. I didn’t want that to happen so I’ll try to keep at it!